Welcome! I am Rabbi Jonathan Biatch of Madison, Wisconsin. "Pulpit Perspectives: My Observations as a Congregational Rabbi" is published every two weeks to reflect my observations about life in my congregation and with my members. The opinions expressed here are solely my own. I invite you to join the dialogue!

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Observations from my Sabbatical Leave: Happy Mothers' Day


On this coming Mothers' Day (notice where I placed the apostrophe!), I cannot be with my wife - a wonderful and always supportive mother - to share with her in person my admiration and appreciation of her mothering talents.  So for those who have connections with mothers here, there, and everywhere, I found something on the Internet that I would share with you.  I cannot cite the source, but I believe it will place a smile on your face!  Share it with the nearest mother you know!

WHY GOD MADE MOMS:   Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. God used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like God made me. God just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of a little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did your mom need to know about your dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home, and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd dye it, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it, and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

The translation of the Hebrew poem above about mothers:

If you look to the right or you look to the left, whether you look behind or ahead, you will never find any other word more beautiful than mother.
The word rings out with wonderful sound which no one has ever been able to match.  A special word that has no equal, nor can be exchanged with any other, is mother.
It is the most pleasant of words to which, at night, we fall asleep.  It is the first word that we learned to speak.  Do you remember, mother?
And if her reputation and name do not adequately define her, at home or out of the house, it’s not because we have forgotten her.  For we will never forget you, mother.
And if her reputation and name are somehow mistaken, perhaps this is a mistake that has been made by others, we know that this was completely wrong – forgive me, mother.
And even after we’ve grown, and when we’ve set up our own homes: for eternity, forever, and always we will remember and love you, mother.

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